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152.  Safe travels.
153.  Healing.
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148.  Friends to come with me to my mother's hospital appointment.
149.  A hospital that can handle complications.
150.  Strength to get through the day.
151.  A beloved uncle who can pull my brother out of an emotional meltdown.
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146.  Safety overnight during a terrible windstorm.
147.  Lunch with a good friend.
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I was informed that I will be going part-time and losing my health insurance.  I'm also waiting on test results for a situation that might be cancer.  A project I did at work was not perfect, resulting in an explosion on my day off.  Because, you know, when things aren't perfect, meltdowns ensue.  And it's that time of the month.  A hurricane landed on my head today.  But there is still grace.

143.  I wasn't there for the meltdown.  Thank you, God, for sparing me.
144.  My health insurance will remain in place for about two months.
145.  A dear friend sat in the hurricane with me and told me how much it sucks.
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136.  The prayers of many others on my behalf, especially when I have no faith.

137.  God's utter, absolute, total grace and mercy toward me when I was completely faithless.  This has been a week of anxiety and PTSD for a medical examination that has been painful and traumatic in the past, but was not nearly as painful this time and not traumatic.

138.  A doctor and a nurse who are kind and compassionate and encouraging and understanding.  A thousand, thousand thanks, O Lord.  Please bless these women beyond imagining.

139.  Literary movies that I can curl up and relax with after a difficult day.

140.  My kitty cat, who did her best to comfort me today when I was in distress.

And finally,

141.  Lent, and God's kindness on Ash Wednesday to show me my sin and how like a Pharisee I am.


P.P.S.

142.  Jane, my dearest friend who left us too long ago.  She was the only person I would collaborate with in writing fiction.  Our one, best piece involved a plot line of her writing in which one character made his (and God's) comfort known via songs on the radio.  While I was sitting in the waiting room today, the one song that always and instantly makes me think of Jane (Angel by Sarah McLachlan) came on (immediately following the one song that always brings me a peaceful feeling (Sailing by Christopher Cross)).  I have always believed that those in Heaven are able to watch those of us still below.  I would like to think that Jane asked God to send this little grace so that I would know she was aware of what I was going through, and she was praying for me (I believe those in Heaven pray for those of us still below).
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135.  My cousin is sending me pussy willows.  I love pussy willows.  LOVE.  LOVE.  LOVE.
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Really haven't been doing well keeping up with this.




133. Time alone in the sanctuary.

134. So very grateful for things that make me happy, especially when life is difficult. This is one of them:


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It has not been a good week, gratitude-wise.  I have seen just how ugly the soul, my soul, can be, and how desperately it needs grace.


128.  His grace.
129.  Church tonight, and participation in the Eucharist.
130.  A phone interview for a position in my field.  It may lead to a second, skype interview.
131.  The sun came out.
132.  Sin brought to light.


Kyrie eleison.
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125.  A little more sunshine today.
126.  BTN went out on the tv.  All day.  Not that I don't support their First Amendment rights, but not being subjected to their unending spew of hatred is wonderful.
127.  Winter makes dealing with hot flashes a whole lot easier.
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123.  The sun came out late this afternoon, the first time in two weeks, I think.
124.  Lack of others' negative commentary during the evening news.
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I've been struggling of late to find grace, to see it.  I know it's here.  My mind goes back to the same things, and I am grateful for them.  By nature, I see the big picture, but it's hard for me to see Him in the big picture.  I need to look harder.  I need to see Him in the picture, and not only the picture itself.


118.  Crafting time with a good friend.
119.  Him showing me an unexpected truth about myself from an otherwise unproductive experience.
120.  Safety on snowy, icy roads.
121.  A desire to grow closer to Him.
122.  Silence by Shusaku Endo.



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117.  Safety while traveling during winter storms and over icy roads.
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112.  Bible study is starting again.
113.  I am able to attend (my hours at work have been cut for some time, but I can move my open time to the morning of Bible study).
114.  We are studying the book of Job, which is much needed in my life right now.
115.  The winter storm made everything beautiful.
116.  The skies cleared late at night, and the moon was nearly full, so when I turned off the lights to go to bed, the world outside was glowing, snow under moonlight, with Jupiter peeking over the horizon.  I was exhausted, but I stayed up to sit with it.
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111.  I finished another short story.
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110.  A glimpse of my desperate need for grace.
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109.  The opportunity to be part of something wonderful.
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107.  The grace to see my faults.
108.  Forgiveness for them.
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105.  Life and breath that gives the opportunity to change and be changed.  Kyrie eleison.  Please don't give up on me.


106.  The new year that brings with it a new hope.  By the end of it, my hope is that I will have become more like Christ.
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These seem simplistic, but there are so many who have neither.

102.  Heat in the midst of freezing cold.
103.  Food.

And one more...

104.  Finishing another short story (Jehanne).
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I can't believe I forgot this one.... and I'm still thankful for it.

100.  Passing on my favorite winter tradition to my niece and nephew: standing beneath an evergreen and shaking it so that all the snow falls on our heads.

101.  The sound of snowflakes falling in the woods.  One of my favorite sounds in all the world.

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